| In relationships, arguments are a fact of life. Whether | | | | checking out other women, he is probably cheating |
| you are dating or are married, it's statistically | | | | on her. |
| improbable that there would never once be an issue | | | | 9. Since he's probably cheating on his marriage, he |
| that a husband and wife didn't see eye to eye on, or | | | | probably never loved her and is just using her. |
| that there would never be any misunderstanding or a | | | | 10. Therefore, they probably shouldn't be married |
| malfunction in communication between a boyfriend | | | | anymore. |
| and girlfriend. Any time two people spend time | | | | I'd be willing to bet he might grant his wife the first |
| together, friction will occur no matter how | | | | three at some point later in the argument (never at |
| harmonious the relationship is otherwise. | | | | first- that's just human nature), but the rest of the |
| The problem in winning an argument is that the | | | | accusations get more and more bizarre. It becomes a |
| collateral damage to the relationship is not worth the | | | | chain of strange and indefensible logic, and it's a |
| small victory in having triumphed with superior logical | | | | constant attack against the husband and his integrity. |
| arguments. There are no winners when you win a | | | | Bizarrely, his wife was probably just mad about how |
| battle but lose a war. Relationships are not about | | | | he didn't clean up after himself when using the |
| sides, and not about winning our losing. Relationships | | | | bathroom, and he hadn't realized it was important to |
| are based on cooperation and win-win situations. | | | | her, but the argument between this married couple |
| It's not a question of love or trust; communication in | | | | degenerated to the point of requiring a divorce |
| a relationship is a game of partial information. Most | | | | lawyer. |
| forms of communication are short-hand, with a | | | | However, there are always two sides to the |
| heavy dependence upon prior assumptions that | | | | equation. While the wife looks a bit ridiculous in this |
| back-fills in the details to provide a mutual frame of | | | | argument, we haven't discussed the husband's |
| reference. However, assumption is the mother of all | | | | reactions to her polarized statements which keeps |
| mistakes, to heavily sanitize one of my catchphrases. | | | | egging the situation onward. While her husband also |
| Therefore, arguments and friction are bound to occur | | | | has to share some of the blame in the situation, he |
| in marriages and dating relationships. They question is | | | | also has to have awareness of what is happening |
| not whether a husband argues with his wife or a | | | | and why before he can begin to change the course |
| boyfriend argues with his girlfriend- the question is | | | | of the argument with his wife. |
| how the argument is resolved. | | | | The escalation of this argument is based in simple |
| There's is a natural tendency to polarize the | | | | human nature. When attacked, we defend ourselves. |
| argument when two people argue with each other. | | | | When the attack continues in spite of defense, we |
| Polarization is the rapid degeneration into extreme | | | | counterattack or run. Fight or Flight. Nature red in |
| statements that would normally be ridiculous if your | | | | tooth and claw, and it's hardwired into us as part of |
| hackles weren't up "You don't EVER" and "You | | | | our survival mechanisms. |
| ALWAYS" are the hallmarks of a polarized argument. | | | | Therefore, during the course of the argument, he |
| It also becomes a game of bizarre logic. | | | | probably had his own set of counterattacks and |
| An amusing example (at least if you're not currently | | | | arguments that were just as silly and ridiculous along |
| involved in a similar argument and have a slighted | | | | the way, building up his own case against her. We |
| twisted sense of humor like me) would be this chain | | | | could fill in the blanks easily from here; the |
| of logic, which is quite common in polarized | | | | progression once you see it is obvious. |
| arguments, which illustrates exactly how an argument | | | | It's very difficult to resolve these situations once |
| is won by proving him wrong: | | | | they start happening. It requires work to shut down |
| | | | a polarized argument, and get to the real issue, and |
| 1. The husband never leaves the toilet lid down. | | | | communicate how it makes you feel. But the first |
| 2. He won't replace the toilet paper when he's used | | | | step is to understand why proving each other wrong |
| the last of it. | | | | is destructive, and to learn to recognize when this is |
| 3. The husband never picks up the towels off the | | | | happening. |
| floor. | | | | The fight has to be brought out of attack mode, and |
| 4. The husband expects his wife to do everything | | | | brought down to a point where each person in the |
| for him. | | | | argument can begin to see and acknowledge the |
| 5. Therefore, the husband is taking her for granted. | | | | other person's point of view even if they disagree. |
| 6. Since he take her for granted and won't help out, | | | | It's the only way a win-win situation can be found |
| she's not important to him. | | | | that will resolve the real problem. No one will ever |
| 7. She saw her husband drooling over the waitress | | | | concede a polarized statement, and the argument |
| with the big breasts in the restaurant last week. | | | | has no other course of action but to continue to |
| 8. Since he is taking his wife for granted, and is | | | | escalate. |